Oh, Mr. Mullet Man

Last month, I decided to “invest” in dating. I had tried online dating many times and even found short term success with Match.com but I wanted to step up my game. I am a busy professional and what I had noticed was the quality of men on the online dating sites had diminished over the years. Plus it was a lot of work to weed out the bums who were looking for a sugar momma or the pervs who were looking for a quick fix. I had heard of It’s Just Lunch (IJL) many times and had read a lot of reviews. They advertise to help professionals and executives find like-minded partners. No pressure but quality people. I went to their website and requested more information. I promised myself to have an open mind in this new method of dating.

They called me the next day. We talked for about 30 minutes, I sent them pictures of myself to share with potential dates and scheduled a face-time interview with my dating coach. The process impressed me. I also paid the hefty price of their services but again… I thought I was investing in my future. Just as you would pay a personal trainer or a financial advisor, it seemed like a good idea. They would take the leg work out of it and with my lengthy conversations with them, I made sure they knew what I was looking for in a partner.

Within a day, they had me a match. They called and told me about Keith, sent me a picture and although he wasn’t as attractive as many of my exes, I thought what the heck, maybe he has a great personality. They told me he was a Christian (one of my top three must have’s), that he was well traveled, an IT engineer and was tall. In the picture, he had brown hair, green eyes behind his specs and since it was a face shot, I couldn’t really tell his body type. Again, I reminded myself to have an open mind. My dating coach went over some ground rules with me for first date etiquette, then sent me an email with the location and time of our date that week.

I was a little early as I always am. The maitre d’ at Louie’s Wine Dive in Nashville, showed me my seat while commenting that it was odd that the reservation was in two different names. I explained to him that I was on a blind date from IJL and he wished me luck as he sat me at a table for two. The place was really nice, but also pretty empty. Within minutes a man walked through the front door and without even speaking to anyone, walked back to me and asked if I was Chris. First impressions, he looked like an older and much heavier version of Burt Reynolds in Smokey in the Bandit, belt buckle and all, with a grey haired mullet to boot. I kept repeating “be open minded…” as he sat across from me.

I am a talker, people who know me know that I love conversation and I don’t meet a stranger so I have no problem with nerves when it comes to first dates. So I open the conversation with a few questions like, how was your day? how long have you been with the matchmaking service? What things do you like to do? Am I what you expected based on my pics? He answered with short responses, not really leaving much room for conversation. Until the last question. “Well, I didn’t get a picture of you, I don’t pay for the service anymore. I did back in 2011 and they’ve kept me on as a potential date for paid members because they have more women than men signed on.”

Me: So you didn’t get my picture? Why did you come on the date then?

Mullet Man: I didn’t have anything better to do

Me: Oh wow. So would you have come on the date if you had seen a picture?

Mullet Man: Honestly, no. I like women who hit the gym and are physically fit.

BLINK BLINK

Me: Do you hit the gym???? (the answer is NO, he hadn’t stepped foot in a gym since he got his last hair cut back in 1985)

Mullet Man didn’t answer

Me: So obviously we are not a match, but I’m really curious as to why my dating coach thought we would be, so let’s run this down. My top 3 criteria were christian, conservative and well traveled. How does that fit with you?

Mullet Man: I’m an atheist, libertarian, and I have been a few places in the U.S. like Florida, Kentucky, and Georgia. I am starving, do you want to order food?

Me: I haven’t eaten, so sure.

We order our food.

Me: So basically you don’t meet anything I requested from them. Do you like conversation at least?

Mullet Man: Actually people who talk a lot gives me panic attacks. I like to sit in silence usually. Like today, no one talked to me at work and it was a perfect day.

BLINK BLINK - I wish I had known that before I ordered my food

As my mind raced on how in the HELL could they get this SOOO wrong, I decided what the hell… let’s see if I can send him into a panic attack. I mean this night would be more interesting if I got to see that happen.

Me: So, tell me what you are interesting in? Cars? Do you have pets? Do you like to do any outdoor activities?

Mullet Man: I like muscle cars. I have a Trans Am like the one Burt Reynolds had in Smokey & the Bandit….

(HAHAHAHAHAHA - I KNEW IT)

Ok, for the rest of this I’ll just summarize. The picture they sent to me of Keith was at least 11 years old, the only thing we had in common was we both had dogs. He said he had gone kayaking a few times, but really didn’t enjoy the outdoors. The night was painful as I kept asking questions, then eating my food in silence looking around at the few tables that were now full of people laughing and having a good time. I couldn’t wait to email them my feedback on this so-called match and give them a piece of my mind about DUE DILIGENCE! I was pissed and awkwardly amused at the whole evening.

When we finally finished dinner, we paid our own tabs and he left. I stopped at the restroom and when I came out the Maitre d’ asked me how it went. I laughed and told him that it was the worst I’ve ever experienced. The bartender was standing there and apparently knew about the situation and remarked “As soon as he walked in, I thought no way in hell is that guy good enough for that woman”. I appreciated the confirmation and responded that I’d probably would have had a better time having a drink at the bar talking to them.

I got in my car and laughed hysterically for 5 minutes. Like, I couldn’t even drive.

When I got home I decided to wait until the morning to send my feedback to IJL. My dating coach called me later that day and apologized for the experience and blamed it all on Keith. Saying men lie and he was trying to get out of the date… I basically blessed them out and told them I felt as though I’d been scammed. I researched them again and wrote the word “scam” in my google search and apparently many others had the same experience.

I know what you are thinking… DEMAND YOUR MONEY BACK. Here is the thing, they aren’t in breach of the contract. It may not be what you would do, but I’m going to see what happens next. Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment, maybe I think this is good material for my blog, maybe I’m actually this desperate to find my match, maybe I’m sticking to my whole open minded theory and just maybe one of the next 11 guaranteed dates on my contract will be better. (I want to add that I hope Mr. Mullet Man finds his Sally Fields. I do not blame him for this experience, at least he was honest, more honest than IJL.)

My next date is scheduled in two weeks with a man named Joe. He is a paying member at least. Until next time…

Keep Wandering!

Gigi

(Photo is from 5by5collective - a painting that can be bought at icanvas.com)